In Da Lab - Medical Laboratory Science Humor

In Da Lab

This is way overdone at this point and has been shared literally everywhere but it's certainly still a classic. 



Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go

Go redraw, there's no birthdate

You didn't label it, there's no birthdate

It's in the wrong tubes and yo, there's no birthdate

And you know we don't run no blood without a birthdate


You can find me in da lab, bottle full of crap

But mommy I got the plates if ya into growin' that

You gonna have to wait though you wanna have it STAT

So call talkin' that smack, I'll just tell you it ain't back

You can find me in da lab, bottle full of crap

But mommy I checked the plates and they growin' hella staph

You better ask your date why broke out in that rash

Cuz RPR is back, Treponema in dat a**


When I pull out dat slide, you see the whites in clumps

When the blood's hemolyzed, they all deny they the one

Nurses mad I said "redraw", and now they NEVER show me luv

But when you work in da lab, your best pal can be a glove

But homie ain't nothin' changed, crit down, white's up

I see that micro in tha' cut

Yo homie, tee that slide up

If you watch how I move, you'll mistake me for a pipetted pimp

Been splashed with a few vials, but I ain't positive yet

On the ward, e'rry day they sayin' "Lab is so wack"

They haters, I want em' to luv us like they luv path


But holla in da lab, the techs'll tell you I'm loco

And the plan is to spin these samples in a circle

I'm fully focused man, crossmatchin' on my mind

Got a mL out tha' vial, antibodies still bind

Now shorty said she sendin' some bile, she sendin' micro

The cap, she didn't screw tight, now it's all over my clothes


You can find me in da lab, urine full of casts

But mommy the prep is wet if you into whiffing that

I'm into my pipettes, I ain't into runnin' STATs

So come with solid stool for C. Diff, I'll send it back

You can find me in da lab, bottle full of crap

But mommy I got the plates if ya into growin' that

You gonna have to wait though you wanna have it STAT

So come gimme a hug if you ever want it back


My flow cyto, my microscope

They diagnose those nasty things

My hood, PCR, my tools, lab rules

Look homie, when you call better say my name

And you should love us way more than you hate us

Oh doc, you mad? We bled him dry, just cuz you made us

I'm that tech by tha' hood, tryin' to run these damn lytes

You that whiny intern tryin' to order more, right?

Think twice when you clickin' on these labs, come on

These daily crits are the reason why his blood be gone


If your crew overtesting, let them muthastickers learn

If you're talkin' Point of Care, homie, I ain't concerned

I'm a tell ya Liz Holmes told me, drop of blood, ditch the "vial" stuff

If haters hate, then let 'em hate, but watch the lawyers pile up

Or we could stick to just what works, and that's a bottle of blood

You know where we frickin' be


You can find me in da lab, sputum thick as sap

But mommy I got the plates if ya into growin' that

It's gotta incubate 'fore them MICs are back

So come lookin' for Paps and I'll transfer you to Path

You can find me in da lab, bottle full of crap

But mommy I got the plates if ya into growin' that

You gonna have to wait though you wanna have it STAT

So come gimme a hug if you ever want it back


Ha-ha!

Don't try to act like you don't know who be neither

We in da lab all the time, so pop red tops, homie

ZDogg Industries

We out!